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My hair caught on fire during the bridal expo. Only me.  

I keep having dreams about having sex with all kinds of girls. Last night it was a bigger black chick. I'm not even attracted to black girls.

I also had a dream where a friend of mine and I shared a suite in a dorm in college. We were in the room, and I hugged her and then picked her up and took her outside into the pouring rain. She started to blow away like she was made of ash; and I began to sob and cry out, grabbing at the peices as they flew away. I woke up with a sinking feeling in my heart. I know that I can't have what I think I want, and it would never be how I imagine it would. Still, it pains me to be around her. I find myself being mean to her and avoiding her touch and gaze.

I feel a bit guilty over this, and Robbie is so jealous... I can't tell him. I love him very much and want to make him happy. How can I get these unrealistic daydreams and dillusions out of my head?

I've been feeling rather odd lately. Like I'm in slow motion.

Once Was I Made Of Glass

Long ago, before I cracked.

 ((BTW...I got my Bachelors Degree in May just like everybody else...cuz I rock and worked really hard to get all my hours in...hello!!))

How can I be so feverishly independent, yet so deeply, deeply in love? Yes, we disagree on a few things; namely breast-feeding (gross) and the woman's (or man's) plight. But we love each other so. We may have some difficulty showing it, not knowing how to possibly express the entire cornucopia of our feelings, but we know. I'm giving him a ring on our one year anniversary. It's his decision what it may symbolize.  But keep it a secret, damn you.

Marla is, besides my sisters and Brandy, one of my oldest friends wIth whom I have frequent contact. I'm going to New York to see her in October for a Halloween party. Of course, I'll be dressed as the Clown Princess of Crime. My professional-grade costume is complete! (Some hundreds of dollars later...) It will be a heartache to be away from my Robbie, especally because he's so jealous. But he's my only one. My lid, my cheeseburger, my everything.

I'm so happy.  

Going to a bridal expo today!  For Sarah's wedding, but.... haha. I hope they have Brilliant Earth there. They're Canadian, conflict-free diamonds with recycled gold and platinum. Eco-friendly diamonds! Horray!

Currently Gotham City Sirens Vol. 1: Union HC By Paul Dini see related

I got everything taken care of. I'm all done and will be graduating in May, getting my degree in December b/c I have to take a May term class. I'll be all done, but with no paper. They mass order them.

I'm so stressed. 4 papers. Praxis II. English Dept Portfolio. Internship work. Work. I have no money. I'm feeling like I'm about to break. I just have to hold on and hope I pass all my classes and I actually do graduate. Only one class is concerning me. ugh.

Currently Twelve Impossible Things Before Breakfast: Stories By Jane Yolen see related

What did we, until we loved?

On the 19th, we'll have been dating for 4 months. It seems much longer than that. In a good way.  He's my lid.  Ya know, the lid to my pot.

Walking in May, getting the paper in December because my advisor and I somehow missed 4 credits of free electives. UGH! So I have to take two 3-credit classes in May and in the summer to graduate. Meh. I'm gonna talk to my advisor and see if I can write a paper or something for the one credit so I can just take ONE 3-credit class. At least. I'd rather them just take off all 4 credits. Blah. The Man is always getting you down.  

Currently Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs By Brittany Murphy, Dan Castellaneta, David Cross, Phil LaMarr, Billy West see related

Update

I have to get all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Yay!! Pain killers! Plus, the wisdom teeth are hurting me anyway. The oral surgeon perscribes about 3 different kinds of pain killers and a few different anti-nausea. Sa-weet. Now maybe I can successfully treat my tension head aches and sore muscles! So I'm excited about that.

I have the best boyfriend ever. He's scary perfect. He is SO nice to me. He's very responsible and mature and is getting a college educaation. He always knows just what to say. He came over my house at like 9 at night just to give me a hug cuz I said I had a bad day.  I've known him for very long time. It's weird that we ended up together, but I'm very glad we did.

I'm graduating in the spring.

I'm SO happy. I haven't been so happy in my entire life. Everything is going so well. Everything has come full circle and I'm almost ready to completely let go and allow myself to be happy without worrying about it all coming crashing down on me like it usually does when I'm completely content.

The therapist helps. She is so awesome. Teaches me lots of tricks so I don't give into my homicidal thoughts. lol jk

He makes it so easy to want to fall in love with him.